If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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