I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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