better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
