just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
