Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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