How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
