She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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