You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
