I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
