He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
