none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
