she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
