I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
