I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
