you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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