its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
