so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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