areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
