maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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