I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just had sex on a roof
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
