found the other keg... it's in the tree
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
