looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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