Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
