WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I didn't notice because vodka
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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