just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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