Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
