well I can't set my house on fire every night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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