I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
