guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
