Ketchup is God's man juice
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
