we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
