I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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