she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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