fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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