I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
