I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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