I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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