I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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