Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
