i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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