Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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