He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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