Got a toothbrush?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
