it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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