Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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