More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
