Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
