'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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