i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
