Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
