Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
