so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
