Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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