awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
