I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
