lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
