Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
